If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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