I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
