I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
