When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
