Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
