ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm like, not good at living.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
