You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
