I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
