I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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