I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
