All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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