I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
me + whiskey = a bad person
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
