My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
