I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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