I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
