You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just gift wrapped bread.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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