it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
