I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
