i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
