I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
