Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
