He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
