my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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