My nipple is on Facebook.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
