i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
