I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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