There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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