So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
