I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
