his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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