my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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