butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
