Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize