Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Come see our sink grown plant.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
