theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
