i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
