I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize