are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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