Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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