If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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