i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
