He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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