i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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