ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
