every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
