So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
