I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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