You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
