how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
