$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
