this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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