Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
