he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
