That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize