grandma shit on top of the toilet
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
