please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
