I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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