Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
