walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
