I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
