found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
