it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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