i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
