so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
