I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
