I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize