She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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