ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
