help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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