Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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