I want to make a zoo with you.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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