I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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