Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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