so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
