peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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